Wednesday, July 22, 2009


Life has been stressful lately. It's been a hard year for me... one big hit after another. Just when I think I am just about done dealing with one thing another big problem enters my life. I am feeling a bit beat down and discouraged.

Add to life the fact that I am trying to get Liza potty trained and she just doesn't care, Jason is still getting his fangs which makes him fussy, Liza decided to enter some strange phase that has her crying and whining all the time and Jason copies everything Liza does so he is crying and whining all the time too. That is the perfect, foolproof mix for one tired, cranky, stressed out momma.

I've been pretty negative. It's easy to be negative. It's harder to be positive and find the bright side. I don't know if I have the energy right now. (Not to mention it is no fun to be hurting on the inside.) Depression is not fun... but that's kind of where I am right now.

I'm often the encourager... it's in me. I do it without even thinking. But right now I just need someone to encourage me. I am mad at God. I am mad at life. I'm tired of trying and ready to give up. (Don't read that wrong... I'm certainly not suicidal or anything... just tired.) I want to know who encourages the encourager... because I need to find that person.

I don't want to have to be the strong one today. I don't want to have to carry the load of making sure my kids grow up with a good, Christian foundation and morals today. I don't want to have to guess why my friends seem to have a three year expiration date anymore. I want to know why it seems there is no road back to a great relationship with God for me. And I have to admit that a massage would be REALLY nice.

Anyways... that's where I am at. This is the real me. I like to be open about struggles because I know that I am not alone. Life happens. And if we never tell people our problems no one can ever really know what kind of help we need at the moment. I've let a lot of people lean on me over the years... I guess all I am asking is that I be able to lean on others for a while. I've been running on empty for far to long and soon I will have nothing to give if I don't get myself better.

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