Saturday, August 29, 2009

Walls.

I've dealt with a lot of hurt in my life. I used to have walls around my heart... and not just little walls... MASSIVE walls. Thick and high. No one was aloud in. It was safer to keep them on the outside. They couldn't hurt me from out there. I wasn't necessarily happy living this way... but I wasn't adding any extra hurt.

Then I met Mike... and God used him to do a demolition job. I'm much softer than I used to be and obviously a lot more open. I let almost everyone in. I love people. I love sharing my life with them.

I've learned a lot about boundaries. I've got a nice little white picket fence around my heart. Some people I still meet at the fence and I leave the fence between us. But no walls. Most people are more than welcome to walk right through the fence and stay as long as they want.

But recently I have been remembering why I liked the walls. If I have walls and you decide you no longer want to be a part of my life it doesn't hurt as much because I didn't allow you to be a part of little pieces of my life. Because through the walls you couldn't hear my secrets and know my weaknesses.

I never take my friendships for granted. I've spent too many years without good friends to know life is better with people in it and I appreciate everyone in my life so much. I am so thankful for people who love and accept me as I am. But having people in my life also means having hurt... because we won't always all see eye to eye and sometimes relationships end and we don't understand why.

It seems that what people often see me as is a strong, confident person that can handle anything. I guess I usually am. And I will always come through any situation that is thrown at me and I will let the process make me stronger. (I used to let it make me harder and add another layer to the walls.) But just remember that I am human too. I have a heart and hearts are fragile. Please handle mine with care as it has been broken and shattered too many times.




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