Thursday, April 22, 2010

Sheer Willpower

Ever since talking to my dad last night about kids and discipline and the stories he told me about me as a child I've been thinking.

Did you read the story about when he put me to bed when I was two and I followed him out... multiple times and put up a real good fight? I've realized that that is a big part of who I am. How God made me.

Now, I don't mean that it is good to throw tantrums (which I will admit I sometimes still do) and be disobedient. But I've definitely got some fight in me.

If you knew my history... all of it... and knew how many times I've been let down, pushed down, shut up, hurt, left, cheated, abandoned... If you really knew you wouldn't be surprised if I ended up a hard, bitter, feminist that didn't need anyone in my life. (Translated... bitter old woman who died lonely because she shut everyone out.) That story would make sense.

But that isn't me. That isn't my life. Why? Because I got that fight in me. Because I don't know how to stay down. Because I don't like to lose. Because I know what I want and I go after it. Because I don't quit.

And I am glad I don't... because I have found great things in life. I know there is a big plan for my life. I know I will cause change and make a difference. I know that something good is going to come out of my life. I know that I have to keep going, keep fighting, keep standing and keep moving forward. If I quit I will never accomplish God's plan. If I quit I will let so many people down. If I quit my life will be wasted.

I always say "It's not easy being Laura" and it's not... but I am coming to terms with it all and who God made me to be and I am learning to like it, to embrace it, to fully become it.

I think it is quite fitting that when I was out with a group of friends last weekend and we were playing the game "Imagine If." (I think that's the name.) The question was something like:

If Laura were a cold remedy what would she be?
1. Rest
2. TLC
3. I don't remember them all.
4. Sheer willpower.

I think they all picked sheer willpower.

I never stay down for long.

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