I've been really tired lately... not sleeping so well... so I skipped church to sleep in. Mike took the kids. Unfortunately I only made it till about 9:00 because the neighbors decided to work on their quad and make lots of noise. Hard to sleep with that. So I got up and decided to sit outside at my new table and catch up on some reading in my Bible and just relax and enjoy the peace and calm of the morning. It's beautiful.
Sometimes I get frustrated with photography. Not my skill level but with the plan. I've been growing and learning and it's been good. I'm very content with where I am at at this moment and I know it won't be as good as I get. What gets frustrating... well... let me just tell you the whole story from the beginning...
Sometime after we got married I needed a new camera and went digital. I've always been big on taking pics and documenting events but going digital gave that a whole new meaning because now it didn't cost anything to practice. I could see results immediately and try something different until I got what I was hoping for. After Liza was born I would set up photo shoots for her ALL. THE. TIME. I just loooved taking pictures and learning. My passion for photography began to grow.
Sometime along the way I decided I wanted a bigger, better camera that could do more so I could learn more and I started my research. This was in the days before everyone and their mother had a DSLR. I decided on the Canon Rebel xs and then talked to Mike. But I got convicted in my heart. We were on Dave Ramsey's plan to pay off debt and we hadn't been giving much extra to the church. I felt that God was asking me "How can you go spend $1000 on camera equipment when you decided you can't give that much extra to building my church?" Ok God. You win. I'll wait.
There were a few times that I ALMOST just bought the camera but I really felt like God was asking me to pay off my debt and give $1000 to the church and THEN I could get my camera and he would bless me. And that is what I did. It took longer than I wanted it too and all the while I WANTED that camera. It was a hard wait but I knew I had to do it right.
We FINALLY got to the place where it was ok to buy the camera and I immediately went out and bought it. It was love. But by this time everyone was getting DSLRs. Everywhere I looked someone had one. And it seemed like people I knew were receiving them as gifts or just deciding they wanted one and would run out and buy it. I would get frustrated and a little bit jealous and I would question God. I had to work through these feelings again and again. But God asked me to do it a certain way... not others. And so I had to do it God's way for my life.
Since getting that camera I have grown so much in my photography. God has blessed me and increased my talent and given me opportunities to use it to really bless others. It's fun. I love it! But sooo many times people have told me "you should make it a business Laura! You could make money off of it!" Don't go thinking that I haven't thought of that! Camera equipment is expensive and right now there are two lenses I want and an editing program that costs $1000. But once again I feel that God has asked me to do something specific with my photography... give it away. Bless people that can't afford photo shoots like single moms and people with large families. Give it as a gift to friends... especially the single ones that aren't going to go out and spend money to have some nice pics taken of themselves.
All along the way it seems that everyone and their mother are starting photography businesses. I fear that there won't be room for me if I ever get to that point where God says "It's time." But I also know that if I get greedy and jump ahead of the plan and try to do it my own way that it won't work and it won't be fulfilling. So I keep following the plan and often have to deal with my feelings and questions again and again.
Through it all though God has been planting dreams in my heart of ways that I will always be able to use my photography to bless others and heal broken places. I know that "Wix-Pix" will be a special thing someday that is used by God. I know there is a plan for it. I also know that God is only giving me glimpses of the dream... enough to keep my feet on the right path, moving in the right direction. He takes me one step at a time. He increases me one step at a time.
And when I start getting frustrated God always gives me little reminders that give me peace and remind me that there IS a purpose for all of this.
Good will come to him who is generous and lends freely, who conducts his affairs with justice.
This spoke to me this morning. This quieted my frustrations and once again put my heart in the right place with it all. God is good and His plan is best so even when it is hard I will stick to it.