Monday, May 24, 2010

Support

I'm used to dealing with life on my own. Most of my 30 years have been spent without great, trustworthy friends. I've never had a mentor. If I had a crisis to deal with it was just me and God. I used to get angry about that. Where were the people I could look to for advice and guidance?? Why didn't I ever have a mentor? But you know what... I made it. I'm here. I'm living. I have a good life and I think I turned out all right. It's not because of myself though. One day a while back I was just talking to God about this and He told me (not in an audible voice but that voice in your heart) that HE was my mentor. That HE was always there for me. That HE was the one always giving me wisdom for my situations and helping me heal my heart. I was never alone.

That was comforting!!!

The problem now though... how do I explain this? I've had thirty years of dealing with my problems just me and God. (And Mike of  course the past eight years.) I'm not used to having people that I can turn to in times of crisis. I'm not used to having girlfriends. This is new territory for me. I just know how to withdraw for a while, talk to God about it and then when I feel strong again I re-enter life.

I've been dealing with some things lately and I realized that that is my pattern. It's a habit. It has become a way of life for me. BUT... for the first time in my life I have an amazing support system and I've just now realized that I don't have to continue dealing with my life alone. Yes I will still talk to God about it and let him be my main guidance but He has given me PEOPLE!! I have friends that I can go to like a sister. I have women I can go to like a mother. I am not alone! People care. They are there for me. And they can be trusted. God has blessed me. He knew the ache in my heart for that and he has led me to some really amazing women. I am so grateful!

The thing is though that I don't know how to use that support group in times of crisis yet. I haven't learned the balance that I need between leaning on people and leaning on God. But I want to learn it! I'm tired of going through the hard times alone.

I plan to work on this area of my life. It's something I want to figure out and grow in. I still can't openly talk about the things in my life these past few weeks but just know that your support and prayers have meant soooo much to  me! All the sweet emails, comments, notes in the mail and phone calls. I love you! You  have opened my eyes to the amazing gift of friendship and shown me an area where I can grow.

Change is a good thing. :)

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