Friday, June 4, 2010

Fall.

Remember how a few weeks ago I posted that I was going through some tough stuff and couldn't talk about it at the time?? Well...

Mike and I are in a tough season of marriage. I bought a book called The Four Seasons of Marriage by Gary Chapman and he would say that the season we are in is Fall. What does the fall season of marriage look like??

Chapman says:
Drifting apart, disengaging. In the fall season, couples sense that something is happening but they're not sure what. There is a sense of detachment. One or both spouses begin to feel neglected. Couples realize there are some issues they are not facing squarely. It seems that they are disengaging emotionally, and each tends to blame the other. If they have lived in the fall season for a while, their friends and family may be recognizing the changes.

Before I go on I want you to know that Mike and I do not hate each other. We are not heading to divorce. (We actually promised each other that that would NEVER be an option... not even something we would discuss. We either live together an enjoy it or we live together and hate it... but we ALWAYS live together.) We don't spend every day fighting. In fact we deeply love each other and still have many good days and many good times together. The problem is that waking up one day and realizing you are becoming two strangers that just live together and share a life isn't a very fun thing to realize. We are missing a deep heart connection and we are desperately working at getting that back.

So yeah... things are a bit tense right now. And the reason I couldn't write about it sooner was that I knew I would place all the blame on Mike, tell you all about HIS problems and shine a very negative light on him. The reality though is that I am just as much at fault (if not more) than he is. And it would be wrong of me to blame him for our current situation. It would also be wrong of me to shine that negative light on him because he is very undeserving of that. He is a wonderful man... an amazing father and husband. Just because we are missing that heart connection right now doesn't mean that either of us is bad. We are just a bit distant. And that can be fixed!!

We are both taking steps in a good direction and we are searching for what has been lost. I have to believe that when we come out on top of this thing that we will be in a better place than we have ever been before. God is working in both of us and we are both letting Him work. We are committed to making this right.

I will be sharing with you some of the things that God has been teaching me, convicting me of, and challenging me to do. I am learning to love Mike in a new way and I am learning to be less selfish and demanding. In the process I am becoming a better person. A better wife.

It's a journey. It's not always easy. But it's definitely going to be worth it.

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