Thursday, July 29, 2010

Reality Check

After Jason was born I felt like our family was complete. Instantly. It was so different than after I had Liza. Shortly after Liza was born one of the nurses said something along the lines of "You are probably thinking you will never do that again." I replied something along the lines of "Oh yes I will. And soon." And eight months later I was pregnant again.

But not after Jason. After Jason I was done. Not because I had a complicated pregnancy or delivery... because I had neither of those. I was just done. Ever since then the thought of getting pregnant terrifies me. I just don't want to do it again.

Until recently. The past week or so when I see a baby or hear of someone being pregnant I'm kind of like "aww" and start thinking maybe. It's a BIG maybe. And then I see how big Jason is getting and think that this is the smallest any of my kids will ever be again. That thought makes me a little bit sad.

These thoughts had me totally confused.

And then last night I had a nice little reality check. Jason is sick and was up a few times during the night. It seemed that as soon as I managed to fall back asleep I was up again and I just couldn't  help but think "this is like having a newborn again." And that is when I knew. I knew that I am still done with having kids.

I don't want to do the newborn thing again. I'm over it. We haven't had to use a baby gate in months. I could probably take most of the child proofing things down. Next year we may be able to have days where both kids skip naps and we can stay out all day.

Oh man. I can't imagine having a newborn again. I hate that Jason is sick and I hate that we were up half the night... but I'm thankful that it put things in to perspective for me again and squashed all that silliness that was running through my mind about possibly having another kid.

I'm done.

D.O.N.E.

Done.

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