Some of the things they say are things that God has been working out in me during this tense time that Mike and I are having. The Eldredge's were talking about what gives a spouse hope that things just might get better, where they realize that things could be really good again. They say...
This begins to happen when we shift the focus of our energy from needing the other person to change (as in, "if only you would change, my life would be so much better!") to asking God, "How do I need to change?"
What would happen in your relationship if you could both make the shift from "changing you" to "changing me"?
Good question! And I am finding that I am enjoying what is happening since I made that shift. Things have definitely been moving forward for Mike and I and the turning point was when I started concentrating on how I needed to change and stopped thinking about all the ways that I thought he needed to change. I've been dealing with a lot of conviction along the way and it's usually not very easy. I hate when I have to admit that I have been wrong... and not just once or twice but so many times. I find myself apologizing for things all the time... things that I NEED to apologize for. I've been wrong in so many ways.
I'm ignoring the speck in Mike's eye and pulling the plank out of mine. It's a big one. But God is helping me and my marriage is getting better and better again every day.