Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Addiction

Last Friday I wrote a post titled "Confessions" where I shared about how I constantly overeat and have a serious problem with sugar.

My friend Steve commented on that post... (Hi Steve! And by the way... you ROCK for losing 70 pounds in the past year!!! You are my hero!)


I understand where you are coming from. I put myself on a diet last January, and have since lost 70 pounds. However, I found that if I completely cut something out and told myself I was not allowed to have it, it was all that I craved. In reading some books I came across a wonderful technique that has worked wonders for me. One day a week I allow myself to indulge in something "naughty" and I don't allow myself to feel bad for doing it. Since I started this little practice I have found that I no longer allow binge on these items and have been able to stay on track better.

I wish you all the best with this step in your life.

Awesome!

What I want to talk about is the whole moderation thing when it comes to the "naughty" foods. I've had a lot of people suggest that to me over time and I have to say that I hate when I hear it works for others. Because I'm jealous. I want it to work for me too because I loooove "naughty" food soooo much.

I want moderation to work for me. I've tried moderation. It just doesn't work. I eat one bite... I eat the whole cake.

I honestly have an addiction and sugar is my drug. I crave it. I want it all the time. And once I have it there is no stopping.

Just like an alcoholic can't indulge once a week to keep the binges off... I can't indulge on the sweet stuff.

It's all or nothing for me. Sadly.

The other day I was praying about this because I hate losing and it's just been a losing battle for the past few months. I'm tired of feeling awful physically and I'm tired of over-indulging. I want to feel good again. And I know I can not beat this sugar addiction without the help of God. And so I cried out to Him. I need His strength.

I felt like He was saying to my heart "Don't eat sugar for one year. You can do it."

And that is now what I will set out to do. I used to need incentives from Michael to not eat sugar. "Don't eat sugar for 'so many months' and I'll buy you a massage." Stuff like that. It worked for a while but it's not working any more. And if I don't have a reason to not eat the stuff it's really hard to stay away from it... especially when the urge is insanely strong. I need a reason to not give in.

This time I will not have to answer to my husband... I will have to answer to my God.

Today someone gave us a box of chocolates. Oh my! How I loooove chocolate! It was sitting on my counter and eventually it started calling my name. When food calls your name and you can think of nothing else and feel that you can't go on until you have a bite... that's when you know you have a problem. I have a problem.

Mike told me he wasn't planning to open the chocolates. He was going to take them with us when we went to my parents. I appreciated that but it wasn't enough this time. The calling got louder and the NEED to have those chocolates just kept getting stronger. I was consumed by the thought of eating them.

Man did I struggle! I wanted to cry. I walked to the counter and held the box in my hand. I knew I had a decision to make. It was either to open the box and eat them or open the box and throw them all in the garbage.

I had a decision to make.

I was making excuses in my head. I wasn't going to eat sugar for a year but that could start on the 1st. Maybe I could have just one this time. I'm never going to be able to go without sugar it's just too hard.

I still had a decision to make.




One victory in the bag, many more to go!

So... now you all know my problem. My addiction. Please be helpful! Please don't encourage me to try something or have just one bite. I know in the past you have all meant well... but now you know more. You don't have to hide things when I come over and you can still make dessert for others. Just the other night we had friends over and she said "I was going to bring dessert but you aren't eating it." I told her others would enjoy it so please bring it anyways. Having a heads up was helpful. The surprises are the hardest.

I'm going forward with this no sugar thing and I would love to have your support. If you see me struggling remind me that I will just go home and cry and feel absolutely awful about myself. Remind me that I really don't want to make that decision.

And please don't be like my kids and eat a piece of chocolate and then breath in my face. :)

Here begins my year of no sugar. Yes... I am starting now and going straight through Christmas. I've never been one to wait for January 1st to make a resolution. When a decision needs to be made it needs to be made now.

Hold me accountable friends!

And pray for me. I need it.



media buttons for post

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...