Saturday, January 14, 2012

Did You Hear It Shatter?

My Sweet Sweet Liza,

I hope you know how much I love you! You are a delight to have around. You make me smile and laugh even when I am in the worst of moods. Your smile is my sunshine. Your heart is beautiful and kind and amazing.

It makes me so sad to see you hurt. And even more so when the hurt that you experience is a result of things that happen to me.

You see, you once had this lovely friend. Her mommy and I were good friends too. Then, one day something happened between her mommy and I and things were just never quite the same again. I hoped and prayed that things would work out. I liked having your friend's mommy as a friend. And I liked that you had such a wonderful little friend too.

But we can't control the decisions that others make.

I received an email from your friend's daddy asking me to no longer hold on to hopes of a friendship with your friend's mommy. I was not to contact her again.

This upset me. I hurt for myself and the loss of a great friend. But more importantly, I hurt for your loss of a friend.

You loved your little friend and you talked about her all the time and were always wondering when we might see her again. Once the decision was made that I would no longer see her mommy I let you know that you would no longer be seeing your friend.

My heart broke that day Liza.

That was months ago.

You still talk about your little friend. You still ask to have her over. Before bed you pray for your friend's mommy that she would like me again.

My heart breaks every time. When you pray those prayers I kiss your cheek and tuck you in. And then I go where I can be alone to cry. I'm so sad that I was the reason you lost a friend.

Today I came home to find you all cuddled up on Daddy's lap. You were really sad and had been crying. When I found out why my heart broke all over again. You had made a card for your little friend but Daddy had to tell you that we couldn't send it. You knew why. You understood. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt you and that you aren't sad about not seeing your friend.

I cried again. And I cry as I write this.

Life is hard little Liza. People will hurt us. But I hope and I pray that never again will you have to experience hurt like that because of me.

I'm so sorry Liza. I wish I could change things. But someone else made the final decision.

I know you will make new friends. You love people so much and you want to be best friends with everyone you meet. And you make the best cards ever!

Liza, you are more wonderful than words could ever say. You make my world go round. You make me a better woman.

I love you now and forever my precious little girl.

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