Sunday, May 5, 2013
I've always considered myself a fighter... as in, you can knock me down but I'm going to get back up and keep going. However, lately, I feel like I've been having a hard time getting back up. I deal in pictures and the picture that comes to mind is of a boxing match...
You've probably seen in it movies too... one of the boxers is being badly beaten in the match. He gets hit hard and falls to the ground. The count starts and he struggles to get up. His coaches and trainers are on the side of the ring yelling GET UP! GET UP! He digs down deep and finds another ounce of determination and slowly finds the strength to get back up and continue the fight. And then another blow comes and he is down again. The count begins and the coaches are yelling. He's not sure he can do it but as the count continues he digs down deep and once again finds just enough strength left to get back up. It's hard... because he knows it's a fight and he's tired and if he could just make it to the end of the round so he could get in his corner, sit down, have his wounds tended to and have just a moment to BREATH! To know he has a few moments to sit without attack...
For the past two months I feel like I've been in the ring getting knocked down over and over again. I've been criticized in so many ways. My heart has been wounded and I've been angry. Well on my way to bitter. Many times I didn't want to get back up but God was there whispering "I've got you. Get up!" But I found myself yelling back "WHEN DOES THIS ROUND END!??" "WHERE IS MY RELIEF!??!"
And so for two weeks I've been avoiding God and I've been avoiding people. I just got tired of dealing with life... of getting back up to just get knocked down again. I've found myself just yelling at life and God "ENOUGH!"
This morning my family went off to church and I stayed home. I ended up on the back porch reading my Bible. I opened up to where I had left off in Psalms and found that each one I read was about how God reigns and that we should praise Him. And I realize that even though I have been avoiding God these past two weeks he has not been avoiding me. He's been there... very obvious in the details of every day.
This morning... I felt like the round ended and I've made it to my corner. My wounds are being tended to. I'm finding a small amount of refreshing and I have a few moments to just breath and be ok. I know that there are more rounds. I know that I'll be knocked down again. (John 16:33 says In this world you WILL have trouble.) But God is there... with me... every moment of the way. He is my strength. He is faithful. He will lead me.
He is my God.
And for now... I breath.