Friday, May 31, 2013

Sustainer

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I know I've been vague about the things I am going through. It's not that I don't want to talk about it all... it's that I can't.

Heartblock.

But also...
some of those things would be inappropriate to discuss here.
some of those things are still too raw to talk about... I would say all the wrong things.
some of those things are just too hard to talk about right now.

The good news is that I am still standing.
I'm not really sure how, but I am.

Just the other day I thought I was doing all right... but then I got slammed with something else. There seems to be no end. And in case anyone thinks I'm just being dramatic... I'm not. I have so many real, hard issues right now it's ridiculous. My emotions... I don't even know where they are some days!

There are a lot of days where I want to just withdraw from the world and do life alone. In some ways I suppose I am doing that. But I'm trying not to go too far in that direction. When I find myself slipping too far into depression I grab my camera and take a walk.

I thank God for my camera. I find so much joy in taking pictures. He certainly knew what he was doing all those times he told me to wait... not yet... it's not time for a new camera. It came at the perfect time when inspiration and life was necessary.

And that's what I love about God... he's there. Always. Forever present and able to see into my future.  He says "I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you."

THAT is the reason I am still standing. Sustain means to support, hold or bear up from below. God is my sustainer. He will hold me up. I will continue to stand because of WHO HE IS. I will make it through this hard and trying time. I will climb out of this valley.

The name Laura means crowned with Laurel. A VICTOR gets crowned with laurel. I AM crowned with laurel, I AM a victor.

Victory is mine.

I just wish it would come a little faster.






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