Monday, October 28, 2013

Thank You

I am convinced that I know the best people in the world! Really... the support and encouragement and prayers have been constant since I shared on Friday about my messy marriage. I was at times overwhelmed... in a good way... by all the emails and words spoken and acceptance. Thank you. Thank you for letting me share my life, my heart, my story. Thank you for listening and not trying to fix me right now.

Thank you to every single one of you who took the time to share YOUR story with me. It means the world that you would be vulnerable as well and offer me support, lend me some courage and remind me there is hope.

I know I'll share more along the way. And maybe even more about my year. This year has been nothing short of devastating when it comes to my dreams and my heart's desires. It feels like the year where everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.

I'm thankful that I have my God. Without him I would be so lost right now... but with God I know there is more. I know this isn't the end. I know there are still dreams to be lived and there will be victory. It might be a while before I see those dreams again and have victory... but my future is going to be better than the past. It will be work to get to that place... and eventually I will be ready to do whatever it takes to get there.

Right now though? Right now I feel like I am swimming in a mud puddle of pain. I feel trapped inside my walls. I want out but I can't find the way.

The ironic thing is... Mike really hurt me but the past few months he has been doing the hard work of getting back to good. He has done everything I have asked of him. He has made sacrifices. I'm the one holding us back. I'm having a really hard time walking out of this hurt. I'm having a hard time forgiving completely. I'm bitter and angry.

I am a mess.
My heart needs work.

Please continue to pray for us... for me.

In the meantime I'll just eat my peanut m&ms... oh. Wait... I already finished them off!

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