Thursday, December 12, 2013

Moving On

About a month and a half ago I shared how messy my life was. My marriage was falling apart and I was dealing with a lot of bitterness, anger and unforgiveness. I was about as stuck as stuck gets.

Well... one of my pastors read that post and suggested that I get some counseling... because my marriage is worth fighting for. Our church has a counseling program set up and I got the info and made the call. It wasn't an easy call for me. I am in no way against counseling. It's a GREAT thing... but I've always been one of those people that can process and move on... well, at least enough to continue enjoying living.

But I was so stuck. I needed some help this time. I tried doing it on my own and it wasn't working.

I made the appointment and I went. I basically spewed all the "dirty" inside of me and vented for an hour. Then I went to the local bakeshop and downed one of their amazing cinnamon roles.

It felt good to let it all out and I took my counselor's suggestion and started writing letters. Getting things out. Saying things I've needed to say... even if the people those letters are intended for never read them it is still an incredibly helpful thing for me to do.

I've started letting go of things that have managed to have a hook in my brain and my heart for over ten years. It's been emotional... but also empowering.

I went back to see the counselor two weeks later and basically repeated my first session... purge and then refill on yummy baked goodness. But I noticed that I was starting to feel a lot better. I wasn't quite as stuck as I had been. I was starting to move forward again. Things between me and Mike were (and are) still tense at times but we've been having better conversations, working on things together, not hating each other all the time.

This morning I went to my third counseling session and I decided it would be my last. I'm moving forward. I'm dealing with my deeper issues again. Me and Mike still have a long way to go together but I'm doing my part of working toward better again. I'm no longer stuck.

I just want to encourage some of you. If you are stuck... or on your way to stuck... or just having a hard time dealing with something in your life... find a counselor. It's so freeing to be able to talk to someone who is legally not allowed to repeat what you say. It's good to have someone who can look at your situations from a different perspective. It's good to talk to someone who is not in any involved.

If you are stuck... take whatever steps are necessary to get unstuck. If you try a counselor and it's not a good fit... try a different one. But don't stay stuck forever.

Today... today I am doing alright. I didn't even feel the need to go for a delicious cinnamon role after my session. Today I am not stuck. However! Should I find myself stuck again I won't hesitate to make the call. How silly of me to stay stuck for as long as I did when there was always help waiting for me.

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