Monday, December 16, 2013

Not the Hap-Happiest Season of All For Some

I love my friends and I hate when they are hurting. Several people I know are dealing with infertility and when they pour out their hearts to me... I'm getting only a small glimpse of how hard life must sometimes be for them. The ache in their hearts is huge. I always offer to these friends that they are welcome to share their stories and feelings anonymously through my blog. My hope is that their story will connect with someone else out there... that someone reading will know they are not alone but also that my friends who share will find that they aren't alone either.

This is a story about someone dealing with infertility and how hard this time of year is for her. PLEASE take the time to read it... especially if infertility is something that you never had to deal with. Take a moment to read and understand a little more what it is like for those who do have to journey through it. And I would love for you to leave some encouragement for my friend. (Please avoid fluffy answers like "God knows what he is doing" or "it's all in God's timing" or "it will happen when it happens". Consider your words before writing.) If you don't want the world to know who you are when commenting you can comment as a guest and write "Anonymous" for the name. You do have to enter an email but I will take it to my grave. Or you can just send an email directly to me and I will forward it on to my friend.

Here is the letter my friend shared with me...

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. . . . . . NOT!!!!! Now please don’t think I’m an Ebenezer Scrooge because I’m not. Most of the time I totally agree with the song that Christmas is the hap-happiest season of all but not this year. This year my heart is broken and it just hurts even more every time I hear a joyful Christmas song on the radio or see yet another Christmas card with a little one dressed up as Santa Clause.

I had a miscarriage and I wanted to write this letter to share how seemingly innocent comments/questions can be so painful. I’ve been dreading this holiday season because it means going to Christmas parties with family and friends who inevitably ask the question, “Oh, when are you guys going to have a little one?” How am I supposed to answer this question? I mean, I just want to scream “WE’RE TRYING, WE’VE BEEN TRYING FOR OVER A YEAR! THANKS FOR BRINGING IT UP!!” but I know that’s not going to make me feel any better. Instead I just smile and say “Oh, I don’t know, maybe soon.” I get that people are just being nice and trying to make conversation but this question hurts so badly. It has caused me on more than one occasion to quickly duck out of the conversation to make it to the bathroom before I burst into tears and embarrass myself. Next time you want to ask a couple this question, please keep it to yourself. You never know what pain they may be experiencing.

One of my favorite parts of Christmas is receiving Christmas cards from friends and family who live far away. It’s so nice to be able to connect with them this time of year. It’s hard to open those envelopes and see the happy faces of my friends who are starting families and dressing their babies in cute little holiday outfits. Don’t get me wrong, I am really happy for them. I’m not going to lie though; a part of me gets a little bitter when I see those Christmas cards. I end up asking God: “Why can’t that be us this year?”

And of course I love when I’m asked what I’m most thankful for this year. You want my real answer? O.k., I’ll give it to you. Today I’m most thankful that I was able to make it through church this morning without anyone noticing that I cried all through the worship service. Two months ago I was thankful that my husband was by my side while we celebrated my nephew’s first birthday. It was comforting to not have to put on a happy face in front of him.

This year I just can’t wait for the holidays to be over. I don’t mean this to be a Christmas bashing letter. I love God and without him I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed in the morning. He has been my strength through this whole nightmare. This year I will celebrate as I always do the true meaning of Christmas but I’ll do so with a broken heart. He understands and is o.k. with it.

Please enjoy this wonderful time of year. Have fun with family and friends. Enjoy the blessings God has given you this past year but please remember the ones who are hurting this Christmas season. There are so many who have lost a loved one or cannot be with their families during the holidays. Please say a little prayer for these people. It’s easy to get depressed this time of year so your prayers could help to bring some hope and peace to those who aren’t feeling all that joyful this year.

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