Monday, December 8, 2014

Clarity

I've shared before about my struggles with anxiety and depression. Winter months always seem to increase this struggle meaning that I need to be proactive and aware of things that trigger anxiety or depression. It's not always easy to stay on top of it and often I'm halfway there before I realize I need to DO something about it.

The end of last week was one of those times.

The anxiety was becoming overwhelming. And if anxiety lingers too long the depression hits hard.

It's strange to me sometimes because I am typically not one to worry. The anxiety often confuses me and leaves me feeling so unlike myself. (Which causes more anxiety!)  But I also have to admit that I have changed over the years... life and experience has changed me. Pain has changed me.

While I still don't consider myself one who worries often, the anxiety at times can be overwhelming and crippling.

Rewind to the end of last week... I decided to sign off of Facebook and stay off for the weekend. I did sign on briefly to send out reminders of an event I had scheduled on Saturday but that was it. I probably spent about two minutes total on Facebook this weekend.

I realized a few things...

1. It was a lot easier to stay off than I thought it would be.
2. I didn't miss it.
3. I still need to use it.
4. I can definitely limit my time on Facebook.
5. Facebook clutters my mind.

That last point is the most important. The longer I stayed off of Facebook the clearer my mind felt. My anxiety lessened because I was able to focus. And instead of self-medicating by letting myself get sucked into the mindless internet I found myself going to my family, friends and God and actually working through my feelings instead of stuffing them. (A stuffer is another thing I don't know how I became.)

Facebook clutters my mind and I have never liked clutter so it's time for me to take control of that "cluttered area". I plan to continue limiting Facebook time. I don't need to know everything all the time. I don't need to be reachable 24/7. I don't need to continue cluttering my mind.

I like this clarity.

Winter has always been a hard season for me but I'm trying to stay on top of it this year. This change is step one.

Step two... eat right. Definitely not as easy as staying off of facebook!


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