Friday, January 1, 2016

May It Be Better

Being that 2015 has ended and 2016 has begun... I couldn't help but reflect on the past year. In fact, I've been thinking about it a lot for the past week. I'm not usually one to make January 1st about new beginnings... I make new beginnings whenever I need one, no matter what day of the year it is.

However, I'm finding this year to be a little different.

As I look back on 2015 I am faced with a year that is full of hard memories. A year of struggle. A year of loss. A year of changes I did not want.

There were also a lot of good things that happened... I got to visit my friend Melissa in Louisiana and had a great time doing touristy things and meeting her family. I took the kids to Maryland to visit my sister and her family. We took a little family vacation to Niagara Falls. I made new friends. I brought some of my Grandpa's butterflies back to the family. I enjoyed family.

BUT...

All of those things are memories I had to search for because they are clouded over by the situation with our school closing and my neighborhood changing forever. I poured my heart into our school, and then I poured myself into trying to keep it open. My heart was broken when the end had come and the answer was no. I hate that it will likely become a furniture store sometime this year. And it's hard to send my kids off to a school we didn't want to go to every day. It's not a bad school... it's just not what we wanted. I find myself throwing a pity party in my head over the situation at least twice a week... but we are doing what we can to make the best of it since that is our only option.

2015...
A year of hardship.
A year I didn't love.
A year where my thoughts remained in the negative... which is a weird place for me to be since I'm an optimist and love living in the silver linings.

2015... A year I am ready to leave in the past.

So today, as a new year begins, I have decided to move forward and embrace the fresh start.

I have also decided that it's time to find my way out of my negative mindset. That doesn't mean I will force myself to like the situation that weighed so heavily on me in the past year. It just means that I won't let my bad attitude about the situation rule my life.

Life happens. The past year... who am I kidding... the past THREE years... have been hard. Emotionally and mentally hard. My greatest hope is that 2016 will be better, easier, lighter.

I bought myself a notebook and the plan is to write something good every. single. day. No matter my attitude, I will make myself think through the day and find one good thing. One positive thing. And record it. I need an attitude adjustment and I'm finally ready to work on it.

Thanks to everyone who stuck with me and my negativity over the past year. Your friendship, kindness, and understanding has been invaluable and needed.

Here's to a new a year.
Here's to change I CAN control.
Here's to 2016!

May it be better.


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