Monday, February 6, 2017

Bittersweet

Bittersweet...
Adjective meaning pleasant but tinged with sadness.

Today is bittersweet.

My dream has come true.
Our school is a school again!
That's the pleasant part of bittersweet.

The tinged with sadness part is that my kids are miles away.

I kind of cried twice by 8:15 today.

The first time was because the dairy truck came to make a delivery of milk to the school. You know how smells will bring up memories? Well it is sounds for me today. And that truck... we used to hear it every Monday - Friday around the time we would be just waking up to get ready for the school day. I heard it today for the first time in a year and a half and didn't even realize how much I missed that sound. It was something steady. Something we could count on. And now it's back.

The second time I cried was after I dropped my kids off at their school. We missed the bus for the first time ever today. (We have a sub driver who apparently has been coming ridiculously early, but since we were sick most of last week we missed that memo.) We walked back from our bus stop as staff was arriving at the school across the street and then we drove to our school. As I drove, and drove, and drove, I was reminded just how far away my kids are. I'm ok with my kids being far away. But today the reminder wasn't needed. Today was the wrong day to miss the bus and have to make that drive myself. I cried the whole way home.

Buses are now arriving across the street. The building has life once again. (The sweet part.)

But my emotions are all over the place. (And now I'm kind of crying again.)

I joked (seriously) with some moms that have kids coming into the school across the street now that I would host support group this morning for anyone who needed it... but I think I'm the one who needs a support group. There are no handbooks on how to deal with this situation.

I've declared for myself a day of Netflix and crochet. And puzzling. Anything to distract me from what is happening across the street... because it's scratched open wounds, hurt, sadness... and I'm just not sure I'm ready to deal with it all just yet.



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